Hello God? Hello? Hello! ..hmm..must be in the tub

Ok. Here's my 'me and god' post. First, let's talk about my tattoo, since it really all stems from that.

So, there it is for those of you that haven't seen it. It's my third tattoo (and so far final). Why did I get it? Well, about a year after I moved to Austin everything was going well and I was planning on my second tattoo - a panda on my upper right arm. As I was thinking about getting it, this idea just kind of popped into my head - an open window. It's based on the phrase 'When God closes a door, He opens a window.' from The Sound of Music. I'm sure it's other places as well, but that movie is where I heard it and it's always kind of stuck with me. Moving to Austin was a big change for me and I really just took a shot in making a new life. It's all worked out well and I'm glad I quit consulting and moved to Austin. The tattoo is all about opportunity, realizing there's always options, and knowing that you can change your life. Every time I look at my tattoo I feel happy and secure. It can also be taken as 'always have an escape route' which I kinda like too. As long as you are breathing, aware, and mobile - you can do whatever you want to do.

So, now on to 'God'. Since the tattoo is fairly visible and is pretty odd for a tattoo, many people have asked me about it. I say "It's from that saying 'when God closes a door he opens a window.'" And then for some reason, I feel I have to qualify that with "but I'm not very religious." Why do I feel the need to add that last part? I think it's because having a 'religious' tattoo kinda makes it seem like I'm really into God. Also, the whole phrase makes God sound very active in my life - closing doors and opening windows, and quite honestly, I don't believe that God does that. So, that's when I really started pondering my views on God, Jesus, and religion.

So here goes. I'll apologize upfront if I offend anyone. I know religion is a very touchy subject. I just wanted to hash out my thoughts. I think a lot of my angst with religion is caused from being raised Catholic. These questions and my viewpoints are based in Christianity. I have not studied other religions and have no specific comments on those (Judisim, Islam, etc). Some of my comments are broad statements and I know are not true for all religions. I apologize if my writing is a little mish-mash. It's been awhile since I've had to write a paper and I think my skills have gone downhill.

1a. Do I believe in God? I don't believe in God as a white-haired old man carrying a walking stick. I do believe in a 'higher power' energy that is on a different plane from us and can watch over us. I also don't believe in Satan as a specific entity. Evil will always be around because some people are just assholes, and some are more creative than others in how they express that.

1b. Do I believe God is active in my life? I kind of think of God as our cheerleader. Hoping we make the right choices, supporting us when we make the wrong choices. I do not believe He is actively changing things in our world to make them better or worse. I do not believe that if I pray to God about a choice to make, that He will tell me what to do. I don't believe that if I win the lottery it's because God wanted me to win the lottery. I don't believe that if my house catches fire that God is punishing me. Good things and bad things happen to everyone in life. That's what life is. I love the phrase 'God helps those who help themselves'. You know what that means? To me it's 'Get off your ass and live your life. God isn't going to do it for you.'

When I hear people say 'God wants me to do this' or 'God caused that flood because those people were sinners' - those types of things make me upset. Are these people saying they know what God is thinking? That just seems incredibly presumptuous, sanctimonious and self-important.

2. Do I believe in Jesus Christ as our savior, son of God, etc? No. I do believe that Jesus existed - as a man that was very charismatic and rallied people to him. I do not believe he was the son of God.

3. Do I believe God created us in his image - Adam & Eve, etc? No. I believe in evolution and survival of the fittest.

4. Do I believe in the (Christian) Bible? First let me say I have never read the Bible. Now, I do believe the Bible has some interesting stories, but I do not think I should base how I live my life on a 2000 year old book. It's a little out of date. Why should I do what this book tells me to do? I feel I am a moral person. I give to charity, I donate my time to the community, I am polite, respectful, and willing to help when asked. I do not feel that just because 'the bible says so' that I should feel a certain way.

My main problem with this is the take on homosexuality being evil. People spend so much time and energy saying gays are going to hell, god hates homosexuals, etc. Who cares? Who cares that 2000 years ago a couple of guys wrote that homosexuality was bad? Are these people maybe still thinking of homosexuals as pedophiles (a belief pretty common 50 years ago)? Take a look around. It's 2005 and it's a different world out there. As long as people aren't hurting other people or animals, I say let them do what they want. How about if all these protestors spend their energy on child molestation and child abuse? That's something where people are really getting hurt. But, they'd rather focus on what a couple of consenting adults do in their own bedrooms. I could go on and on about this, but I'll just stop here.

5. Do I believe in organized religion? I feel that organized religion is great when it's used in a positive way - charities, shelters, food banks, etc. Some people really need to have that feeling of community and belonging. If that makes them feel secure in their life, then that's great. But, when organized religion is used in a negative way, I just get fed up with the whole thing. Basically, when religions go against each other, saying one is better than the other, when anyone who thinks differently from them is going to hell or are evil and deserve to die. It's just sad when people use God as an excuse to kill other people. I also have major issues with the Pope - mainly birth control and abortion. Why must people do what he says? Can't they think for themselves? Your wife has given birth to 12 kids and really can't have another? Well, put a damn condom on!

6. Do I believe that one religion is the true faith and everyone else is wrong? No. I love the South Park episode about how only Mormons are in Heaven because 'Mormonism' was the right religion. Everyone else, no matter how they lived their lives, went to Hell. That was a great episode. It's just another example of how religion breeds distrust and hatred of others. Even though it's all 'love thy neighbor' blah blah, but if they don't believe in your religion, well then you can call them as many names as you want, disrespect them, hurt/kill them, and God will be happy with you. How does this make sense to people? It just seems odd that there's been hundreds of religions created throughout the years and people believe only one of them is right? Why can't it be everyone has their own opinions and you don't have to hate/hurt those who don't share that? Why does religion have to be so aggressive?

7. Do I believe in Heaven and Hell? No. I do believe in an afterlife, that when we die our energy does go somewhere. Do I believe there will be fluffy clouds and harps for the good people and flames and torture for the bad people? No. I don't believe that. I think a lot of that comes from my hatred of 'Confession' in the Catholic religion. No matter how bad a person you are, just confess, say a couple of prayers, and all is forgiven! Are you kidding me? Doesn't that make their actions meaningless? Sure, he killed 20 people, but he confessed, now he's forgiven, say hello to Heaven! I just don't believe there's a system like that.

Ok, I think that basically summed it up. Did I miss any major points?

Hello 13130

I guess my parents are officially Texans now. The movers were supposed to be here at 8am but had mechanical difficulties. They showed up at 2:30 and were done in 3 hours. I.Am.Exhausted. I got to my parent's house at 8:45am and was there until 8pm. All the furniture is basically where it needs to go but there are a ton of boxes to unpack. I'm not sure where my mom is going to put everything. The new house doesn't have as much closet space as the old one. You should never underestimate the value of closet space. And yes, the street number is 13130. They choose to think of it as 13-130 instead of 13-13-0. At least it's easy to remember!

Thursday Melanie and I saw Serenity. I loaned her my DVD set of the TV show Firefly and she really liked it. It was my second viewing of the movie and her first. She really really liked it. But, I've got to say - I was a little bored. It was slower than I remember. I'm not sure now if I'm going to buy it. (Gasp!). There's many movies I can watch again and again. But, I don't know, Serenity just seemed really really slow in the second viewing. And looking at the box office take, it doesn't look like we'll be getting a sequel. Oh well. It was cool seeing everyone on the big screen. And from the comments it looks like Jason is sending me a shiny new Serenity shirt! Awe-some.

HOPE EVERYONE REMEMBERED TO SET THEIR CLOCKS BACK! STUPID DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!

An Honest Boss

I almost forgot about this....
My boss found it and was laughing so hard she started crying. I'm not sure if most of you will appreciate it....you've got to be involved in HR a little I think.

http://www.hallmark.com/wcsstore/HallmarkStore/images/products/ecards/nfg1969.swf

On the road again

The movers actually came today to pack up my parent's stuff. Mom said it took the guys 7 HOURS! Yikes. The truck should get here by Sunday. Mom and Dad are leaving tomorrow morning. Mom said she did get me some cuttings of the chrysanthemum and her white roses (my fav). Now I just have to get the flower bed ready for them. I'll do it tomorrow after work.

My boss is at a conference today and tomorrow so work's been pretty quiet. A couple of the girls got me b-day gifts which was nice. I'm still organizing all that credentialing crap that I took over for that chick that left. Every day I find something new that she didn't do and was supposed to be done last month. She had a 'system' for filing and keeping track of everything. Problem is, she didn't always follow the 'system' so now I have to track down what was done and what wasn't. Got a call from one of the surgery centers that a doctor's packet is due tomorrow and they hadn't received it. Yeah, that ain't happening - I didn't even have the packet to fill out. Luckily everyone over there knows this doc so they'll just give him a pass and expect the paperwork later this week. I was able to get him to stop by today to sign the stuff and it'll go into the mail tomorrow. When I get these calls I just try and be chipper and upbeat. People are more likely to help you out if you are friendly. I give good 'friendly' over the phone.

Ok there's some more I want to post but I'm tired. Sometime this week I'll be putting in a post about me and god. Should be fun. Ever since I got my ankle tattoo of the open window, people ask about it, and I explain, which makes me question exactly what my beliefs are. So, I think I need to write it all out. I've been pondering it for a couple weeks now, but don't want to get into it tonight. Enjoy the suspense! I think what I post might surprise some of you, but maybe not.

28

Hey y'all. So, today's the big day I turn 28. Woo-freakin-hoo. Didn't really do much. I'm saving up the big partying for 3-0. Saturday I went out to the Alamo with Sarah for lunch and a movie (for those not in the know, the Alamo is a theater chain where you can eat and watch the movie at the same time. They have really good food there). We saw Domino with Keira Knightley. I wasn't sure what to expect since I'd read some really mixed (bad) reviews. I like Keira Knightley as an actress so I thought I'd give it a shot. The movie was awesome! Sarah liked it too.
One of the main actors (Edgar Ramirez) is incredibly hot. I imdb'd him and it looks like this is his first english-speaking movie. I hope he does more. I tried googling some pictures of him and it doesn't look like his fan base is very active. Here's a pic from the premiere (no! he cut his hair! Nooooooo!) and a pic from the movie. Couldn't find a really good one. :( He's really not that hot in these pictures - but in the movie he's smokin' - I swear!

Goodbye 3053

My mom just IM'd me. Looks like they're closing on their house early. It was supposed to be Monday but now it's going to be day after tomorrow. The movers will be there next Tuesday. My parents will be driving out to TX the day after that. So, in a little more than a week the house will no longer be 'home'. Kinda crazy. They've lived in that house for thirty years. I'll miss my mom's rose garden. I asked her to bring some cuttings, but we're not sure if they'll take to the soil out here in the middle of October. On one side of the house is a purple chrysanthemum plant that my grandfather gave my mother on the day I was born. Every year for the past 27 years that plant blooms right around my birthday. This year it looks like it may bloom right before they leave. I'll miss that plant. My mom used to send me polaroid pictures of it when I was away at college - so I could see my flowers blooming. Ok, I'm a little sad now. I'm not sad about the house, just about the plants. The house really stopped feeling like 'home' when I moved my bedroom set out back when I was living in the East Bay. Maybe next time I'm in Stkn I'll jump the fence and if the plant is still there I'll get some cuttings. It's a thought. I'm not sure how old those plants can get though.


On a more upbeat note, I'm very excited that Nathan started a blog too. It took awhile for that second post to appear, but I had faith! It's a good way to keep in touch with everyone. Instead of just saying 'oh, the usual is going on' or 'nothing much' now you can say 'read my blog if you really care!'. Hee.

Flying Spaghetti Monster

http://www.venganza.org/

How have I never heard of this? You have got to check this out!!!!

Can't stop the signal

Ok, I saw Serenity today. I went to a 3:30 showing and it was PACKED! Which is awesome. I hope it stays high up in the box office ranks so we can get a sequel. (go see it! go see it! go see it!) The movie was really really good. I won't say anything about the plot, but I am so happy I didn't know any spoilers. I even tried to change the channel when the commercials came on for it. I didn't want to go in with any preconceptions. I didn't know what to expect and I got completely wrapped up in the storyline and the action. There were a couple of slow parts, but as a whole, the writing was incredible and the special effects for the ships were so well done. One of the things I like best on Firefly/Serenity is that ships look old and dirty. It's not all shiny silver metal like it is on Star Trek. I'd be curious to know what a non-Firefly fan thought of it. Joss tried to give some exposition in the beginning just so you could understand character motivations, and luckily that didn't bog down the pacing too much. I was going to see the W&G movie too, but the matinee price was $6.25! Yikes. I'll go next weekend to a Round Rock theater that is only $2.75. Whenever I see matinee prices go up, I always mutter 'when I was a kid....' It's sad that I'm not even 30 and I already have 'when I was a kid....' rants. Can't wait till I'm 50!

what a beautiful day!

Today was one of those great Austin days where it's crisp and cool and warm at the same time. Unfortunately I was at work from 9-2, trying to get a handle on all the new crap I have to take care of. I went in to the shelter for a few hours but it was pretty dead. There was a big football game on today so I think most people were staying home for that. Luckily our two most difficult-to-place cats have been adopted (one didn't have eyes and the other was over 9 yrs), so all the rest of our cats will hopefully get adopted in a decent amount of time. I'm going to catch Serenity tomorrow, and also hopefully the new Wallace & Gromit movie. It got really good reviews. I have all their shorts on DVD - if you haven't seen them, check it out!

I made a couple of Nine Inch Nails mix CDs today to listen to at work. I'd forgotten how good the 'Broken' CD is. That came out around the Pretty Hate Machine era, I think. One of my coworkers is going to see them(him) in San Antonio in a couple weeks. I thought about going, but just didn't feel like spending the money. Nathan and I saw them in HS on the Downward Spiral tour. That was good enough for me.

Another fun day at work

I had an unfortunate incident today at work. There's a girl in the office - let's call her 'Dipsy' - that is in charge of one of the clinic staffs as well as marketing and hospital relations. Now, I understand that she's very busy and has a lot going on. As part of her marketing duties she was in charge of designing the letterhead and business cards after we got nifty new logos a few months ago. Well, back in March we knew a new doctor would be joining the practice. I did not order business cards for him because there was some special credentialing info that had to be on there. I checked in with Dipsy several times to see if she wanted me to handle it. She said no. So, seven months later, the doctor has now joined our group and he does not yet have business cards. Last week she finally asked me to handle the order. She gave me the new information and the design changes that would be needed. I put in the order and got a proof back. Some changes needed to be made so I alerted our supply company to those. I wasn't 100% sure if I would be getting new proofs or if they would just put the order in. So, as of this morning, I wasn't sure when the cards would be in. I had left a couple messages with our supplier but had not received a call. Ok - here's the story. Every Wed the doctors have a board meeting in our office. That's really the only time we see the doctors. The new doc stopped by my office to ask when the b-cards would be in. Since I wasn't sure, I said 'two weeks.' I'd prefer to give a longer timeline and then surprise him with an early delivery rather than say 'next week' and have to extend it. He's a pretty cool guy so he wasn't too pissed off, but he was surprised and said 'two weeks??' kinda loudly. Dipsy, next door, heard that and came over. 'Is it really going to take two weeks?' she asked. The doc kinda muttered that they should have been ordered by now. Dipsy said again 'can't they get here sooner? I can't believe it'll take two weeks!' I could not believe she was making it out that is was my fault he didn't have his cards. So, in front of him she kind of berates me for not doing it sooner. I told the doc that I would call the supplier and put a rush on it. And then I just stared at her. I think she understood my 'are you fucking kidding me?' look I had on my face because she shut up. As soon as the doc left, she said that she had told my boss that she took full responsiblity for the late order of the cards. Of course, she didn't say that to the doctor. She just blamed me. Whatever. I really wanted to say in front of the doctor 'Well, Dipsy, you had seven months to order the cards. Why didn't this get done sooner?' But, I didn't because that would be childish and unprofessional. No need to get into a confrontation in front of the new doc. Unlike some of the other employees, I really don't give a damn what the docs think of me. I know my boss depends on me, and I work for her, not the docs. I wasn't worried that he would think badly of me. I was just pissed off at how back-stabbing and unprofessional Dipsy was being.

I stayed late tonight working on stuff. When my boss came over and saw the proofs on my desk, she said 'Isn't Dipsy handling this?' I then informed her that no, I had been asked to do this for her (which I was fine with doing) and I also told her what happened today. Let's just say that my boss likes me a whole lot more than Dipsy. I think it's because we're both Scorpios so we're both critical and sarcastic bitches. After hearing the story my boss gets pissed off because she didn't even know Dipsy had pawned this off on me. My boss had even asked Dipsy for status on it and she said 'oh I think they'll be in next week'. I didn't want to be a tattle-tale, but I just couldn't believe how Dipsy purposefully tried to make me look bad in front of a doc.

It's kinda fun to see my boss enraged. I'm the only one in the office she can vent to, so I hear everything that pisses her off. And, she gets pissed off pretty easily. Almost every day she comes in my office and closes the door just to bitch a little.

One really great thing that happened today is that I'm getting a bonus! One of the employees that does credentialing and contracting for the doctors is quitting and moving to Dallas. So, I am now being put in charge of the credentialing part. That's basically getting hospital priviledges and renewing licenses. It's a ton of paperwork. I was also given part of someone else's job a few months ago for supply ordering and call schedule management. Today was a big training day for credentialing and it's a bit overwhelming. I joked to my boss that we were going to need to have a talk about my raise. An hour later she comes in and says there's nothing she can do about a raise now - it'll be in Jan, but, how about a bonus? Cool! And, if I'm doing the work of three people, at least I'll be getting some good overtime in too! Don'tcha just love time and a half?

Red red red

Spent all weekend with my parents so didn't have a chance to see the Firefly movie Serenity. I guess I'll catch it next weekend. Saturday was Orientation for new volunters at the shelter and we got 20 new cat volunteers! Hurray! Of course, the dog volunteers had 40, but they always have more. Sunday night we all went to my sister's for dinner. It's Johnny's birthday next weekend - 3 years old. She made a cake and we sang Happy Birthday like five times. He wanted to keep blowing out the candles. So cute. I entertained him while AM cleaned up. He calls me 'Auntie'. Because, seriously, I can barely say my name without slurring the rr's and ss's. I'm not going to make some little kid say it! Besides, he's really calling me 'Aunt T'. Ha. Saturday we were all over at my parent's house. I was chasing him around while they unpacked the boxes they brought with them. Their stereo was set to classic rock so he and I were dancing around to Ozzy Ozbourne and Led Zeppelin. Pretty good moves for a skinny white boy.

Anyways, when Nathan was out here in July he helped me dye my hair dark red - just one of those 28 day temp jobs. Everyone at worked loved it and I got lots of compliments (finally something my pale skins comes in handy for!). So, since my mother is the queen of do-it-yourself dye jobs, she helped me do it again. I'm so blind without my glasses I can't really do it on my own, though that could be hi-larious. I think it turned out pretty good (see pic). It's like a dark dark red. The flash was making it a little brighter. It lasted about six weeks last time so this will probably fade right before Thanksgiving.