Cows

My neighbor sent me this. Loved it. Enjoy.

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s private parts.You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. ! They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese.Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Checking in

Just wanted to check in. Been busy at work. I've also been working on the backsplash a little at a time. It's coming along really well. Have you been watching the Olympics? At first I wasn't really into it, but it really has me hooked now. There's been some great competitions. I just found out from Rachael that she got accepted into the Univ of Indiana for the PhD program she applied to. She's flying out next month for an interview to try and get some good financial aid. If everything works out she'll be leaving in July. That'll be one year living here. All in all, it's worked out great. I'll probably take some time off before I look for another roommate. I think I'll foster some kittens too after she leaves. The shelter always has tons of kittens during that time that need a few more weeks of growing before they get adopted. I did one batch last year and it was fun.

Who comes up with this stuff?

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2005/12/34

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2005/12/18

Awesome!

ok, I can't stop laughing at this shit.
http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2005/10/7

Decision

There's a girl (Jaime) that I'd been friends with since second grade. But, when we went to college we drifted apart a bit. I visited her in San Diego and she visited me in StL, but I could tell we weren't going to stay best friends. I was very focused and knew that I wanted to go into business. She switched her major several times and she is still in school now for Optomotry. I think this is her final year. It's been hard finding things in common with her to talk about. It's odd how Andrea, Nathan, and Heidi are all working and all bought their own homes. We seem to still have a lot to talk about and enjoy hanging out - even though we are all doing different things. Whereas with Jaime, our conversations kinda fumble a bit. I am also hurt and pissed off at how little she is making an effort to stay friends. All friendships take work and effort. Even though Andrea, Nathan, and Heidi are still in CA, we talk on the phone every couple of months. My major point of contention is over reunion last August. I took off a week from work (I think Wed to Wed) so I could hang out with everyone and so I'd have time after the reunion in case I ran into anyone I hadn't seen in awhile. Nathan, Jayson, Heidi, and Andrea really made the effort to meet for lunch or movies or whatever. Andrea invited me to her house in the bay area to hang out -even though she had work the next day. I really appreciated the fact that they took time to spend with me while I was out. We didn't know the next time I'd be back in CA. I only saw Jaime on the day of the reunion even though she just lived an hour away in Oakland. She made no effort to invite me over or to meet for lunch some other day. I felt that basically showed she didn't care to spend time with me. Ok, whatever.

In the spirit of friendship I called Jaime on her Birthday in Oct and left a VM and never heard back. My birthday is eight days later and I never heard from her. I sent her a Christmas card. I never heard from her. I sent out an email to everyone about how I wanted to visit CA in March/April and to let me know which weekends would work best or which wouldn't work at all. Everyone responded pretty quickly because they knew I'd have to buy the tickets and get the time off of work. Jaime did not respond for quite a long time. At this point I figured ok, that's it, she's made it pretty clear she doesn't want to make the effort to stay in touch. Then, a month or so after my email, she responds saying that she's getting married in July and to let her know if I need hotel reservations. What? (yes, I knew she was engaged - but she couldn't make a phone call about this?) I don't even get an official save-the-date card or anything? At first I planned on going, but now, I am truly thinking about just forgetting the whole thing. Another friend is getting married in Chicago the following weekend and I definitely want to attend that one. So, why should I spend $400 on the plane ticket, money for a rental car, money for the hotel, and money for a dress and a present for someone I haven't even SPOKEN to in six months? I don't care that she's busy with the wedding plans. She doesn't have time for a quick call? I think her actions at reunion said pretty clearly that she didn't want to spend time with me. So why should I spend money on her? I talked to Nathan about this yesterday and he said if I did this I'd be pretty much putting the nail in the coffin for our friendship. My response to this was 'What friendship?' So I guess I'll have to write her a letter and tell her to take me off the guest list. It sucks, but there it is. Comments?

Still sick

I left work around noon today. I haven't felt this sick in a long time. I was shaking and felt clammy. So, I slept for a couple hours and feel a bit better now. I was surprised my boss suggested I go home - usually she hates when people call in sick. I guess she could see I wasn't faking.

Update

Argh. I am sick today. I actually called in sick for work yesterday. There's a bad cold going around right now and usually I only catch light colds. But this one really knocked me down. I slept for most of yesterday butI had to go into work today to do payroll. I am feeling better though. At least I'll use up some sick time.

Melanie came over on Sunday and we started putting up the mosaic. I tried at first to lay all the pieces down on a towel measured to match a space on the wall, but that didn't work too well. What looked perfect on the towel didn't fit right on the wall. So we ended up doing it piece by piece. We worked for about three hours I think. It's going to take a lot longer than I thought! It looks so great, though. Pictures at the end!!! Gotta wait for it. I worked on it for a couple of hours tonight too. I'm doing one wall completely before I even start the other one. This way I can learn from any mistakes and do a really good job on the big area above the stove. I was going to try and do a pattern in the mosaic, but we'll have to see how ambitious I feel when we get to that part.

Movie updates:
The Island: sucks ass (and I love Ewan McGregor!)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: This did not have to be remade. The original is STILL the best. And what was up with all those flashbacks? This is not Highlander! And the Oompa Loompa songs were hard to understand. Waste of time.
Profit (the TV Series - cancelled quickly, but out on DVD- never saw it when it was on TV) - awesome, awesome, awesome. It was from 1996 and is so ahead of its time. It would be perfect on FX now.
Some good quotes:
Anyone who thinks controlling people is a science is dead wrong. It's an art.
If you want someone to love you, open your heart. If you want someone to be obsessed with you, close it.

Ok that's it for now. Gotta get my sleep.

Weekend

Well I am pleased and surprised to see Randy here! For those not in the know, Randy is a college friend of mine that lives in Japan now and teaches English. I visited him a few years ago, and we still write back and forth and send packages. It’s nice to actually write a letter sometimes instead of doing everything by email. Here’s a pic of us at Vicky’s wedding in 2000.

I guess that’s right before he left for Japan. He lives on the southern island of Kyushu and it’s pretty rural. When I visited him, we basically stayed on that island and went around to a lot of the pottery towns. I have a fascination with pottery and love the pieces that are unique in their shapes or patterns. Anyways, with that trip, and my other international travels, I have come to the sad realization that I am a spoiled American. I don’t think I can live anywhere other than America. I like my TV (and not having to pay tax on it like in England). I like my big washer and dryer. I like going to Target and getting all my shopping done at one place. It’s interesting going to other countries, and I do appreciate the diversity of cultures, but I’m just too Americanized. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that – I’m proud to be an American – it’s just something I’ve discovered about myself.

Back on topic – this weekend was BUSY. The roofers were supposed to come on Tuesday, but instead came on Saturday. I didn’t know they were going to do that, so I was at the New Volunteer Orientation at the shelter (19 new cat volunteers! Woo Hoo!) and they called me saying ‘hey, we’re in your driveway, we’re going to get started’. I rushed home after orientation and they were there ALL DAY. The cool thing is they let me climb their ladder and walk around on my roof to see what they were doing and the condition of the rest of the roof. That was pretty nifty. And, while I was up there with the boss, I asked him if he could get my saw so I could cut a couple of small branches that were rubbing on the roof – and he cut them for me for no charge. Very nice. (though sometimes it’s annoying for men to do things like that for me when I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself, but oh well, I let it go) He said my roof should last another four years or so. Usually people in Austin wait for a bad hailstorm and then get a new roof through the insurance company. One thing I did learn is that my roof was put on with staples instead of nails – which is bad. The staples don’t hold the shingles down as well as nails do. I’ll have to remember that for my next roof.

On Sunday I saw Underworld 2 with Gil as a thank-you for doing all that electrical work in my kitchen a few weeks ago. I really liked the first Underworld and I own the DVD. I was excited about the sequel and had stayed unspoiled so I didn’t even know what the plot was. The movie was ok/good. The sequel starts just minutes after the first one ended, which I liked. They had a lot of the same people come back and did some interesting flashbacks with characters that had died in the first one. I thought the plot was good, the special effects were a tad over the top (not too much though) and Scott Speedman was still hot. I will say one point that really pissed me off was there was a pretty long sex scene between Scott Speedman and Kate Beckingsale. I HATE it when they put sex scenes in action movies. Yes, I know they are continuing the love story between the two characters and pandering to the male audience but there’s this clever gimmick called ‘fade to black.’ I don’t have to see every back arch and every thrust. Give me the general idea that ‘hey we’re going to have sex now to cement our relationship!’, show a little skin, and then go on to something else. Let them wake up naked and continue the plot. It was just so LONG. That’s one of the reasons I love the Alien movies, the Mummy movies, Indiana Jones, Chronicles of Riddick, etc is that you can have a good plot, you can even have a relationship (The Mummy and The Mummy Returns) without all the stupid sex scenes that bog down the pacing. There was also an unfortunate camera angle that made Kate Beckingsales thighs look HUGE. If I was her I would have punched out the director. She’s in great shape and I think she’s got a great body, but man, that was a bad, bad angle.
After the movie I snuck in and saw The Matador and Walk the Line. I have a ‘movie hop’ philosophy – buy concessions since that’s where the theater makes most of its money, and don’t movie hop to a movie you were going to go see anyways. I would have just gotten The Matador and Walk the Line off of Netflix so they aren't really losing money from me– no way would I spend $6 for those. Anyways – Walk the Line was good. I’m not sure if it really deserves all the nominations and awards it’s getting, but it was entertaining and the pacing and acting was good. Now then …..The Matador. Holy Cow. This has got to be one of my favorite movies so far this year. I didn’t really have any expectations of the movie. I knew the general plot was Pierce Brosnan was a hit-man who was losing his edge. But wow, his performance really blew me away. That was definitely the performance of his life. Greg Kinnear was really good too, which surprised me cause I usually don’t care for him. Such a good movie! The audience was really into it too. Go see it!