a little more
I feel bad that the last few posts have just been about what’s going on. I haven’t really done a ‘perspective/my thoughts’ post in awhile. So, here you go.
I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately. Several of my friends have stepped up the search for a mate and I have been closely involved in the adventure.
Quite honestly, I still can’t believe I met Michael so quickly through Match and that we’re getting on so well. I thought it was going to take months and months to meet some guys decent enough to consider dating. The funny thing is that he thought he’d cancelled his membership, but instead it was on a monthly renewal. I guess that’s fate?
I have thoroughly thought through whether I’m with him just to be with someone or if I’m with him because I want to be with HIM. I’ve really debated this. As I have not been in many relationships, I wasn’t sure what my expectations (requirements) were, and I didn’t want to be with someone for the wrong reasons. I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past few months - what I need, what I won’t put up with, etc. And looking back before meeting Michael, I honestly liked being by myself. I didn’t mind doing things on my own and as I had several close friends, there was always someone around to go out with. I have never been the person that NEEDED a boyfriend, and I am so thankful for that. You have to be comfortable with yourself first before you can be comfortable with another person. Anyways, as much as I’ve thought it through, I am happy with Michael and I am happy in this relationship. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel good about myself, he supports and helps me, and I feel very comfortable with him. So, I’ve decided, yes, I’m really in this relationship. Is he my one true love? No. Am I expecting to ever find my one true love? No. I don’t think that’s cynicism, I just think it’s reality that it’s hard to find the PERFECT person out there. Michael is somewhat close to perfect, but his flaws are what make things interesting. If he acted exactly as I want him to or said exactly what I want him to say, that would be boring. He’s an individual and learning who he is and enjoying the adventure is what a relationship is. Right?
I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately. Several of my friends have stepped up the search for a mate and I have been closely involved in the adventure.
Quite honestly, I still can’t believe I met Michael so quickly through Match and that we’re getting on so well. I thought it was going to take months and months to meet some guys decent enough to consider dating. The funny thing is that he thought he’d cancelled his membership, but instead it was on a monthly renewal. I guess that’s fate?
I have thoroughly thought through whether I’m with him just to be with someone or if I’m with him because I want to be with HIM. I’ve really debated this. As I have not been in many relationships, I wasn’t sure what my expectations (requirements) were, and I didn’t want to be with someone for the wrong reasons. I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past few months - what I need, what I won’t put up with, etc. And looking back before meeting Michael, I honestly liked being by myself. I didn’t mind doing things on my own and as I had several close friends, there was always someone around to go out with. I have never been the person that NEEDED a boyfriend, and I am so thankful for that. You have to be comfortable with yourself first before you can be comfortable with another person. Anyways, as much as I’ve thought it through, I am happy with Michael and I am happy in this relationship. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel good about myself, he supports and helps me, and I feel very comfortable with him. So, I’ve decided, yes, I’m really in this relationship. Is he my one true love? No. Am I expecting to ever find my one true love? No. I don’t think that’s cynicism, I just think it’s reality that it’s hard to find the PERFECT person out there. Michael is somewhat close to perfect, but his flaws are what make things interesting. If he acted exactly as I want him to or said exactly what I want him to say, that would be boring. He’s an individual and learning who he is and enjoying the adventure is what a relationship is. Right?
posted by Speck at
1:57 AM
2 Comments:
Great post! I completely agree. I think so many people are on the search for that perfect person, they over look the really good people that come into their lives. I'm not perfect so why should I expect perfection from my mate? What I did look for was quality character traits (honesty, integrity, humor, etc) and even MORE importantly I looked at the things I absolutely couldn't stand about him. No one ever splits up over the good stuff, it's the stuff you hate about them that's the problem. Once I decided that I could handle, what I perceived as his most annoying tendencies, I figured we had a winner.
p.s. Now that I have wheels again, we are really going to have to get together.
By
Mel, at 4:14 PM, April 16, 2008
I really agree with what you're thinking, in general. The "one true love" thing though, I think, maybe I'm being too optimistic but I still think that's possible. I don't think that's someone without flaws, but more someone who helps make life's journey worthwhile.
Pondering my own "Speck-induced" match.com success (grin) I've had to think about the same questions. You already know how hard that has been. The real question is, "How do you know when you've really met the right one?" I still don't know that yet. The other question is, "How do you know when the "flaws" are just differences you can work through, or when they're "deal breakers?"
I've been trying to figure out how to write about all this and I guess I haven't figured it out yet.
By
cpu, at 8:08 AM, April 17, 2008
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